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TRANSGENDER
/ SEXUAL UNDERSTANDING WHAT IT IS LINKS TO WEB SITES RE TRANSGENDER I want to clarify that although we get a label that is
transgender or Transsexual, that's all it is, a label, we are women, it's a
simple fact, we have trauma to sort out our bodies and some are more lucky
with appearance than others, but we are women. Some people have the trauma of
having a very masculine body, 6ft tall and 180lbs in weight, but their mind
is still female. A simple statement, gender is in the brain, thats it, all I know is your know who you are, so do I, what is the difference if the brain is the gender, not sure, I guess you know how you should look, behave and feel, I still can't say I understand about me, so how can we educate people to understand when it is so difficult even for ourselves. Yet my aim is to do just that, to help us to help ourselves, to tell our stories and at least give people a better understanding of who we are, myself and personal story, I am a women, there is no doubt about my sexuality, I had a very traumatic teenage life, but I know who I am inside of me. The outside has been the battle, to make sure that what I see in the mirror is what I see inside my heart. You will have no idea of how gender can play with your mind if you are born correctly, but it is one of our most basic instincts in our survival, it is a compulsion to be ourselves. TEENAGERS If only I was a teenager again and had the knowledge I have now, I would have changed my gender then, I would not have worried so much about what other people think about me, I did know I was a women as young as three years old, (I am Diane from the previous pages here). I had parents that would not understand, but the idea of these sites is to help parents and other people to understand. As a child you do know that you are female, your body was born male, but the brain is female and even now there is little you can do to find out this as a fact. If you have a female brain and a male body, you just know that your female, you hate the way you look to start with and feel a disgust at your male body, I used to admire women with amazing figures and wish I looked like that. We all have different ways of identifying it, understanding it, and then making a decision to do something about it. PARENTS Dear parents, your child is not a freak because they know they are female, listen to them, my parents have only just started to understand now, and they are in their 60's. They did not listen to me and made my life horrid, they were sarcastic and intolerant, my life would have been so different with their help. Sit and talk with them, take them to the proper councilors and doctors that can help them, they need you, they really do. They will be very lonely, probably suicidal and even hating themselves because they do not understand what is going on. Trust me, we don't actually understand anymore than you do why we feel the way we do, we are just women with the wrong body, if we had a cancer growth you would remove it, that's all a penis is to us, its a cancerous growth that needs to be removed as part of the process of living a normal life. SUICIDE Suicidal feelings are generally quite strong in the gendered
women, as with all people in society its not always the case. The confusion
of being in the wrong body can be devasting, fears of people and prejudice
are also probable in your mind. I have lived my life now as a normal women in
society for 15 years, I still get days and these are quite often where I
think people are talking about or staring at me. The truth is they probably
are staring, but my reasons for what I am thinking and what they think is
probably very different. I do get told I am attractive, but the feelings are
still inside of me that I am different. I have had many times in my life
where suicide had been a strong thought, it does still come and go because we
do have complex lives. I have had 3 attempts at suicide, my desire to survive was higher than the desire to die, I didnīt want it enough, take people out of our society and just be yourself, would you then want to die, if you still do, then it is not the gender that is the problem, if we could have a prejudice free society, I would be the happiest women alive. Today there are many places to get information on gender, so look hard to find the correct help, it is there, usually on the internet, the high street doctors are not that up on gender, or didnīt seem to be able to give me that much advice. If you are reading this and contemplating suicide, then itīs not a place to be, I have been where you are, tears rolling down my face, tablets in my hand, and the room pulsing as my heart starts to slow down as I was drunk and dying at the time, I had taken the tablets. I managed to get a perspective by thinking about my children and clinging onto the fact the they would need me at some point in their lives, I did manage to pick up the phone and call a friend, they advised me to vomit and get the tablets out of my system, which is what I did, they called a doctor and lucky for me I managed to recover. I had 2 weeks where my heart was slowing and speeding up, but it leveled of and I am here today. Happiness and laughter make things feel better, join any type of friendship group of people, whether it be a church, sports centre, womens institute, what ever surround yourself with nice people, I play keyboards and I have joined in a jamming session, I play every week, I have a passion for music, so I use it as my outlet to make me feel better when I am having a blue moment. I have a fantastic circle of friends, I have entrusted them with my feelings, they are my councilors, they keep me strong when it is tough, get that network in place for yourself. Getting a network of friends is something you have to work at, but make it happen, go out, they donīt come to you. The picture below does reflect how I feel now, the words are apt to me, love life, I never thought I would, but I do have so much laughter now. Never take tablets like paracetamal, if you survive the attempt, they can give you liver damage that is not recoverable from, this in turn can give you a slow painful death, sometimes many years. GET HELP, talk to anyone, your friends will always love you, pick up the phone, how would you feel if a best friend just quite? you would have wished they had called you, they will come to you in the moment if things are that bad. Before you take anything, please go and get some sleep, if you have been drinking sober up, these two things alone may be aiding your feelings, all 3 of my attempts were alcohol related, I only drink in company now and very moderate, it changes my perspective, so long as I am sober then I can keep my feelings under control.
MAN AND PREJUDICE My father was a very macho man, I am aware that their are men out there that think we are strange and weird people. Please understand that as masculine as you are, we are feminine, we did not asked to have a brain that was the incorrect gender, you are very masculine to enjoy your body, we are very feminine and want the same freedom as yourselves. We do not try to hurt people, we are not molesters of any kind, we are simply women that need an operation to correct our bodies. WHAT DO WE HAVE TO DO TO CHANGE IT When we go through changing our bodies after teens we have to do a lot of things.
The above can be very costly and take many years to achieve, you need to plan to do this, you cannot just decide that you will change on a whim. You will have to let your nearest and closest friends know in advance, family can be difficult but not always. SAMARITANS DONT TAKE YOUR LIFE Once again, if your reading this, your trying not to give up, your searching for answers, I know that you don´t know me, but I am thinking about you, because you are on this site, I put a lot of time into the site to make your own journey easier, I love you enough to build this for everyone and want to help you. I have been where you are now, wipe yours tears and think I can get past this, its just a moment. If your a teenager, life gets easier when your out of school, it really does, try to change your school, work with your parents and councilors, they will give you that chance to get to adulthood, if your parents wont understand, there are other places to get help, ie the Samaritans is a good place to start. There is always prejudice in life and although it is part of our life, it doesnt have to control it, its not so strong now as it was in my day, and its reducing all of the time. Smile for me, just a little one, it changes endorphines in the brain and your mood, do 20 minutes of excercise now, it also makes your mindset different. LOVE YOU and LOVE LIFE. Pick up a phone and call someone who loves you, your best friend, anyone, the Samaritans, the information is below. www.samaritans.org SPEEH THERAPY I have created a new section to this web site regarding trying to help with speech, my voice is far from perfect and has always been hard work for me but at least it will give you some markers to help you with your own voice if your in the early stages, some people will be lucky, they will sound like angels, but not many of us do, like everything it is constant work. (NEW SECTION) Speech Therapy for gender or
transseuxual women I had no support from my family and like today with the internet, I was not able to find out much information. I was not diagnosed until 25 years of age, when I had a near breakdown. I had seen a specialist at 18 years old, but it was a psychosexual doctor, big mistake because it made be think I was a sex pervert, yes they thought it was a sexual thing, as a teenager you think that these people are nuts, I was disgusted at the thought and so it made it harder for me to go to see specialists in the future. You need a doctor that understands gender, that is the first thing you need to identify, then you are some way to starting to build your life. Another thing you need to do is if your a teenager take something that is an anti androgen, these will stop the body masculinising (Cyprotone Acetate) or (Androcur) are the big ones prescribed, this will help until your sure of the decision your going to make. WEB SITES THAT CAN GIVE YOU SOME FACTS If you go to the sites below you will gain a big insite into how you can go about getting help, I have only just found out about FFS at 44 years old, it would have made a difference to know I could change my face and how I felt about myself many years ago and I would have felt more settled with who I am. I am lucky, my life has been normal, whatever normal is, meaning I have worked in society without problems and had a pretty standard daily life. I do get from time to time people asking me about rumours that they have heard about my past which until now I have denied, I don't think personal things like that are anyone else's business. It will be more open for me now because people can refer to this web site and get some facts. www.tsroadmap.com If your a HRT PREMERIN, YOU COULD SWITCH TO ANOTHER HORMONE If you take premarin tablets you may want to search for an alternative if you love horses, I was shocked when I found out how it is produced and the cruelty that is involved in making it. There are now many synthetic alternatives, so please speak to your doctor and ask him for an alternative. Cruelty to horses MYSELF IN MY YOUTH As a youth I did not fit anywhere, I was very lonely, I
didn't mix with men, and I did fit with the girls but was not allowed to do
things at school like basket ball, I had to do things like football, I hated
those days, having to change in changing rooms with boys, when you know your
a girl. I was lucky that I had an older brother, if I was bullied he would
look after me and go and stop them bullying me. I was never masculine, I was
a redhead with freckles really I was a girl, just had to grow up in a boys
world, as we do, we learn to cope with things. I can remember many times just
wanting to die, just to fall asleep because I hated my body so much, it's
really that disturbing. SEXUALITY AND GENDER Sexuality and gender are two separate things, there are so many people that told me they knew I was gay when I told them I was changing my gender, they were completely wrong, I had never had an interest in men that way. Fact:-
You are not a gay because you want to be a women. For me fancying men was not ever in my head, I was just a women. I actually had a preference for women and have the same feelings now, I am attracted to women, which now makes me a lesbian, so the two subjects are very different. You can fancy men if your transgender but the ratio is the same as normal society, you either fancy a man or a women, it is not gender related. I have had a relationship with a man, but only as a female that I am now, never with a male body, but decided that men are not for me, I like men as friends, but not for a relationship. I have had heterosexual relationships with a female and a male at different times in my life, because both times my body was physically correct at that time in my life. A lot of women take an interest in other women's looks and minor interests in sleeping with them, they do not want to change their own gender. It is strange that to find out about help you have to usually go to a gay / lesbian help line to get information on gender, its simply because society makes a presumption its the same thing. WHEN ARE YOU TRANSVESTITE OR CROSSDRESSER OR TRANSEXUAL If you like to wear female clothes for erotic pleasure or just because you like the feel of the clothes or a fetish for a material, then generally you are more a man or women that is happy with his or her body and enjoys it, but has no desire to want to become a female or male. Transvestite behavior is harmless if you keep it private of within a relationship that both partners are happy to accept this behavior. It is illegal for men dressed as women to use public toilets. A crossdresser is another name for a transvestite, it is more common in men than women because society will let a female dress in men's clothes and accept its ok. Transsexual is when you hate the gender of the body you are
in, you may feel repulsed when you see your body. Hating of the penis and the
maleness it presents, hating erections and intercourse. You may still enjoy
sex, but without intercourse, the intercourse is male whereby foreplay is
sensual and genderlous. Dr James Dalrymple was my surgeon in the UK, although he has retired now, I spoke with him and he has a surgeon that he trained to take over from himself. He is a lovely man and very careing, he will be able to talk with you about helping you getting to resolve the requirements under British law for surgery. If you speak with James say that you came from this web site and hello from Diane. I spoke with James today 15/6/06 re my UK birth Certificate and he is just as lovely as when I spoke with him all those many years ago. http://www.grs-uk.com/grs-uk/index.html DEPRESSION Depression is a very large part of gender, or it has been for myself. I have had many bad days where I just cry and wish I was someone else, or not even here on the planet. Many people suffer from depression and it is not anything to do with gender, we all have our ghosts, all I can say is the same as for anyone who suffers with it, you have to keep going, what else can you do. You have to optimise your life to the limitations that you have, we all have them, below are some positive things that might help to just rest the mind long enough to pick up the pieces and get back up again. Not knowing who we are is a very big issue for us, it's not actually that simple, because with gender we do know who we are, it is our apprearance that causes the depression, the fact that we are constantly trying to fit a round peg in a square hole, you can bash it and force it through but you will get damage for sure. Just keep going and think about the people the love you, they are there for you, they stand by you, realise that the world is beautiful even if not perfect. We all have a desire to survive, its an instinct in us, in my bluest moments I am not sure how I came out the other side, maybe thinking about my children was enough, whatever it is you hang onto, get a good solid memory in your head for when you get bad, then at least the memory is strong and will hopefully pull you out the other side. There is a lot more to gender than just a face operation, there is the whole being of the persona, it is day to day, minute to minute, there is the fact that the bones shapes on the body may be wrong, it is a big decision to make to start to live your life in the gender of your mind, when your body is trying to programme in a different mode.Get the proper advice in the first place, you may not hear what you want to hear from the doctors, but they are realists and will have dealt with people in the same situation. I can's say don't do it, because the brain is to strong, you will do the change if you are truly wrong gendered in the brain, it gets stronger with age as you see the male charactoristics becoming stronger, just proceed with realist expectations. I always think that when I think people are staring at me, that they have their own issues, they are larger or shorter or the wrong colour in the environment they are living, we all have issues, we are not that special, just different. C.A.N.I by Athony robbins is worth listening to http://www.anthonyrobbinseurope.com/thankyou.htm HELPING THE MIND REST WITH ALTERNATIVE IDEAS EFT EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHINIQUES EFT is about freeing up the mind to live and enjoy life instead of the burden of living a day of stress, here is a link to a PDF file, you will need to read it all, but the mid sections on how to achieve the EFT learning process is very important. There are simple procedures that you need to learn, they should make coping with daily life that bit more bearable for you. Here is the link www.emofree.com/eftmanl.pdf the main web site is www.emofree.com. This could be an important part in self acceptance, for all the money we pay on doctors to help us we have to help ourselves as well, any learning that we can use to give us one day of happiness inside is worth exploring. AUTOGENIC THERAPY What is it? Autogenic therapy (AT) is a series of mental exercises
designed to switch off the body's 'fight or flight' responses to stress and
switch on those related to relaxation. The mind-body skills learnt are said
to improve your capacity for self-healing and self-development NLP NEURO LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING NLP is fascinating to listen to, there are many
speakers but I do like to listen to Anthony Robbins, he has a power of
positive thought that we can all benefit from, take a look at the Anthony
Robbins web site
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