These are the pictures taken the day before my operation at the surgery, as you can see I did get sunburn, I was very lucky it was not enough to cause a problem for me. I dislike these pictures on this page, they are not flattering in any way for me, but they show the way how the face is changed and the processes needed for this to happen. I need to expose myself for others to see what happens when we go through cranial facial surgery, it's the way forward for me and many others in my position.

I am mentally ready for the day of surgery now, my head is prepared, I am meditating to keep things in perspective for myself, I am very frightened about what is going to happen to me, there is no option for me except to take control of my life and have this surgery.

For many people you will never be put into a position like this where you have an impossible choice, but if you are, you have to take a road that you believe is the right journey for you, I believe this is the road I have to take, the next few days and weeks will tell the story of whether I made a good or not so good choice.

THE DAY OF THE OPERATION FINALLY ARRIVED JUNE 16TH AT 7.30AM

These are some of the pictures taken in surgery, Dr Ousterhout is working on my forehead

Dr Ousterhout is working on my nose, he has completed the lypo suction under my chin now

Closing the stitches on my forehead at this stage ready for the bandaging up stages

Operation finished and ready to place the dressing on my head for the recovery room

Bandaged up in the recovery room side profile, still completely under anesthetic

Front image of the under section of my eyes, you can already see that the deep crevice has gone away along with the bone

These pictures are from the surgery, they are acceptable for the internet and not graphic, it was decided to shoot the pictures which were suitable for all. I have no recollection of this period of surgery, when I awoke the main head bandages had been removed and the plastic bung was gone.

ABOUT THE SURGEON AND PA'S

I have got to know Dr Ousterhout over the last few days, he is a lovely man, fun sense of humour and yet so professional at all times, he is very structured as you would expect for someone of his stature. Mira and Tatiana are both beautiful people in their hearts, they want to help people that are struggling like I was, they are devoted to helping women like me to look female and to improving our lives. These people made a very tough time manageable for me, reassuring me of the safety record and previous excellent results of other patients.

HERE ARE THE PICTURES ON THE FIRST DAY OF RECOVERY AT 24 HOURS.

These are the first pictures from my camera, they are on day one, as you can see I am very bruised, these pictures are just 3 hours after waking up .I am at Cocoon house now, I have not tried to do anything today, I have some strength but not a lot, I cant see well yet, I have got blurred vision, although saying that my eyesight has always needed reading glasses, so it's not totally related to surgery.

I will put pictures up each day as I feel stronger, but I am so tired, please be patient with me. My face looks so different now, I can't breathe that well because of the bungs inserted in my nose, I am told that they come out on Tuesday, so then I will be able to breathe clear again, my mouth is so dry because of the nose blockage.

It's day three, and I have stopped being sick and so at least that's a start, below are some new pictures on day 2 to 3, it's not very different from the pictures above, just the swelling has started to reduce.

DAY 2 TO 3 PICTURES

This is part of day 2 and 3 its early am but on the third day after surgery, you can see that the bruising is changing now, although it is swollen my eyes are very different, they have 12mm of bone taken away above the skull. 

WHAT SURGERY DID I HAVE ON MY FACE

I had a 12mm reduction of the bone above the eye, on the orbital bone, or eye brow zone, this set my forehead to 5 mm instead of a depth of 17mm a massive reduction on the side profile. I had the nose reshaped to suit the new shallow forehead, I had to have this or my nose would have looked very big. I had my scalp pulled forward 20mm at the same time this improves the look of the face and makes it appear smaller which again was decided by my height and weight. I had lypo suction underneath the jaw, this was to reduce the fat area and slim my face up a little. I also had a small scar on my neck which was reopened and then some fat placed behind it to stop it causing be problems, the other scar was from another surgeon and not related to DR Ousterhout, he was correcting the surgery for me.

DAY 4 PICTURES 

You can clearly see the results of the lypo under my chin, I had a double chin 4 days ago, the chin is very sore but it's worth it for such a small amount of pain. I have my hair in front of my forehead so sorry guys these pictures are not so good to show the difference, but there will be many more pictures in the next weeks as time passes. You can see I am still very bruised, but to remind you it is only 4 days after surgery.

DAY 4 REMOVING THE STITCHES FROM THE FOREHEAD

It is clear to see in the picture with Dr Ousterhout that my face is prettier already at just 5 days, there is no bone ridge above the eye, it is flat as in the normal female position. Below are more pictures of the release of the stitches.

Here I am, wide awake just closing my eyes so that I don't have to watch the stitches being taken away, as you can see the scar is very clean and tidy even at 5 days old.

MY INDEPENDENT VIEW AT DAY 7 OF THE WHOLE PROCESS

Today is Thursday, 1 week since I have had my surgery, I have no pictures today, I decided to wait because Friday is the big unveiling of the nose and the pictures will show the whole face. I am feeling better about myself already, I can only see female in my face and eyes now, which is what I wanted.

Dr Ousterhout is such a good surgeon, I am an independent women who has decided to show the whole process on this site, I built this site to put all the facts into one place. I have full control of any information on these pages and at no time have I said anything that was not true. Dr Ousterhout has an amazing following of girls that he has made very pretty, I have seen it for myself, in the last week I have personally seen and talked to at least 8 girls or more that are all pretty and had surgery with him. There is no mistaking, if you want to look female then although expensive, this is pretty much a guaranteed result, you will be female and attractive, not just female. My view on Dr Ousterhout is that he is also a sculpture, he is not just a surgeon, he has an eye for a pretty face, he knows instinctively what to do, he is an artist. 

I can only admire the people here that are helping us all, the girls at Cocoon House have made my visit so perfect, they are both so lovely, so helpful and can't do enough to make me feel special. The people at the hospital are fantastic, I can't tell you how this could have been such a very different experience without the care and devotion of the team here.

I am not a stranger to plastic surgery, I know the process, I had a facial operation in Spain one year ago, all I gained from it was a big bill and no changes to my face, and heart broken having shattered my dream. I spent many months after the Spanish surgery researching surgeons around the world, asking questions and getting to a choice that I felt was right for me.

I can only say from my heart this is the best decision I have made in my life, my fear of myself has gone. I can already see Diane in the mirror at 7 days, and I also know that surgery improves with time. I am going to keep this site up to date and pictures monthly to show the changes. I am prepared to share what I have been through to make your choices easier, I am so sure that Dr Ousterhout is the best in the world in this field after studying similar work, there was never any other surgeon for me to use after doing my research. I feel happiness inside and peace that I have not had in 44 years of life, and it took less than 7 days to achieve.

I want people to find this site, because you can do something now, you can enjoy life within about 6 to 8 weeks from the start of consultation to the operation. This site helps explain things like how to exchange you money to dollars and the banking process, pictures or surgery and links to useful information, if you have any valuable information that can be added them please give me the web links.

THANK YOU DR OUSTERHOUT, MIRA, TATIANA, TRICIA AND MARYLOU

THE DAY OF THE UNVEILING OF THE NOSE

Mira taking the first of the staples from the side of my head toady the 8th day

Stage one is taking the staples out as you can see, then the second part to take the nose packing away

The nose packing is removed and little me thought that was the end of it, not at all the painful bit was to come.

Well you can see, I born 2 little plugs that were about 8 times the size of my nostrils, and yes I was about to swear when they born into the world. Yes they felt like they were born, you can see I had a blood clot that made it a little more painful than it should have been, also on the pad (far right picture) are the stitches that came out.

THE THREE OBLIGATORY PICTURES FOR ALL TO SEE AT 8 DAYS

I am still a swollen baby, but as you can see the eyes and nose are set back, the face is really swollen which you can't tell from the pictures, their is a really big bump at the bridge of the nose. In real life it is quite overwhelming to see the change, I have been here putting these pictures up and crying with disbelief, my eyes are female, for the first time on 44 years I can see her, I can see Diane, you can't even imagine how that would feel, just it hurts inside, I have joy and happiness as well as letting the hurt go. It will take time, there is a lot of healing to do yet, many more months of changes to my new face. I have been given letters in case passport control decide not to let me out of the country, saying that there has been plastic surgery on this visit.

Thank you again DR Ousterhout and Mira and all, you will change my life from today on, I will forever be in your debt, if your a new patient reading this I hope that by me sharing this information that one day you will have the chance of the same freedom I have been given. I really am crying so hard today, but not sadness, its really relief, overwhelming relief. 

(Picture on day 8, YES! day 8 after surgery) Diane, Mira and Tatiana

This is probably the most expensive thing I have bought in my life, I have the Ousterhout shopping bag to prove, better than a purchase at Harrods, or Macy's or Bloomingdale's, the strangest bag I will ever have for shopping, but what a ride this has been. No roller coaster will ever give me the feelings I am having today, just euphoria, I know the ride is still moving and what a ride. 

LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP AT OUSTERHOUT THE SURGERY 

DR Douglas Ousterhout

I will be placing more pictures on this page in the next 48 hours of me on day 12 after surgery. For you all that have been following my progress, I have been out shopping for new clothes today the 28th February with my friend. I have bought 3 new summer dresses, I am truly in EUPHORIA at this moment in time, I keep catching glances of my face in shop windows and mirrors, it used to truly stress me out to do that, I keep seeing this women in the mirror and she is attractive as she knew she was, I can see Diane, I am repeating myself, you will never know how I feel inside because there is not a word that could explain it, for those of you that will never go through this, I feel like you, a normal and happy human being, content inside.

These pictures taken at home in Spain on the 29th June 2005 13 days after surgery

These pictures are just 13 days after surgery, I am a bit heavy on makeup to hide the bruising, but as you can see you can hide the bruising without being to heavy on the makeup. I am 44 years old and its very hard to even see my age in theses pictures, I am having coffee with some friends of mine. The pictures are a long way from the way I looked just 2 weeks ago, life is so very different for me, I have been shopping again today for new shoes and am so happy just wandering around the shops, no fear in my stomach of what I look like, just me Diane ..I will update new pictures every few days to continue with the changes, I will focus on the scar in a few days to show you how the scar is healing, but its easily hid with my hair like it is.

PICTURES TAKEN DAY 15 WITH NO MAKE AT ALL TO SHOW BRUISING

I have taken these pictures myself which is always more difficult to do. You can see from the pictures that I need to use make up to hide the bruised eyes, but you can see that it's not excessive. The scar is 15 days old, although you can see it now I think it will almost disappear, I can hide it with my fringe down quite easy, you can see the swelling in the forehead, which you would expect there was a lot work on the forehead.

Easy to compare pictures of the eye socket changes that have been made to my face before and after

I have been out many times this week and every time is very emotional, I experiment with different types of clothes and they look good, I have never had so much choice that I feel comfortable in. I have even been trying on different types of coats to see what I look like in them, I have not worn a coat in 15 years, I have worn scarves because I thought coats made me look less feminine, I actually tried the coats on in the shop not in the changing rooms, that is unheard of by me. This is a truly strange period for me, just as complex to understand as to prior surgery, all that I can say is it a better thing to worry about, I keep thinking I am going to wake up and it will all be back, but as you know it won't. My feelings are so strange, I feel like I have wasted so many years before this with worrying, when all the time my face was there, it just needing adjusting, Dr Ousterhout is an incredible surgeon, I told him what I wanted and her gave it to me, almost exactly as I had asked him. The euphoria is going in some ways to the point that this is going to be my life from now on and that I am an ordinary women at last, 44 years of sadness are just gone in a few days, there is no price you can place on that. It's still only 16 days since the surgery, the swelling is reducing daily now and the head is coming back to life, I have had a lot of dull aches and pains in the head, as well as the tingling and tickling sensations, it is not more than uncomfortable, a simple Aspirin is keeping things at bay.

4th JULY 2005

I am starting to get some energy to want to do things again, the anesthetic always affects me and takes my strength for a few weeks. The aching is constant in my face at the moment, not painful, just in different area's as each part is starting to come alive again, the area above my eyes is the most uncomfortable, but again it's not pain and not unbearable. I have taken only 2 aspirin today so that will give you an idea of how it's controllable, I am not a lover of taking tablets so would never take lots of pain killers. For those of you that are interested, whilst at the Cocoon house, I was only taking simple headache tablets, again to give you an idea of how it was, my pain was never more than a 4 to 5 out of 10 using that as a gage, at this moment it is no more that .05 to 1 out of 10. I am going shopping again Tuesday this week, so I will try and get some more pictures taken whilst out with my friend to keep you updated with new pictures. Hope you looked at the San Francisco pictures I took whilst pre-op I decided to have a 3 day break. San Francisco pics

7th JULY 2005

Here are pictures from 7th July 2005 and you can see the swelling is starting to disappear, the bridge of the nose is just starting to take shape. I have had a lot of discomfort in the last 24 hours, I have increased the Aspirin for the day, I think it is just the bone starting to knit together.

Click to enlarge these pictures 21 days after surgery 3 weeks today

You can see my nose is still swollen at the bridge area on the far right picture, I have never let people take so many pictures of me in my life and always hated every picture, these were taken first time and without editing. I can see Diane, this is going to sound really pathetic to people that don't understand gender and maybe seeing this page, I have cried and cried, because I feel normal, only someone that understands gender will know what I mean. If your lucky enough to have been born in the correct body, start living your life because you can. I have tears rolling down my cheek as I am putting these pictures up, not of sadness, but of happiness because my life has changed.

TAKEN AUGUST 1ST 2005 ABOUT 6 WEEKS.

Not my best pictures but I needed to get some pictures on the website for August 1st. I will take better profile pictures when I get some time, my life has got very busy since I came back from San Francisco. I am back working everyday and then in the evenings I have been writing some music, I have been burning the candle both ends of the day as you can see from the pictures, my eyes are very tired. I have been sleeping about 6 hours a day maximum since I got back and many of those are as little as 4 hours sleep. I am still very happy with the changes made to my face, I did prefer the more swelling stage in the early days after surgery but my eyes are a lot better. I get a lot of attention which is sometime to much but at the same time it is nice, I will attempt to make some changes to my hair, it has been like this for many years, to many years, so maybe next month I will have changed the hair, I still hate my hair down, so I have not made progress on that front, I just need the courage to get it changed.

TAKEN SEPTEMBER 1ST 2005 ABOUT 10 WEEKS.

Well more weeks have passed and it's now 10 weeks since the date of my surgery, my eyes, nose and forehead are itching quite a lot, which I think is everything coming to life in the nerve endings. The top of my scalp is still numb, it feels like I am touching a wig when I touch the top of my head, it's itching a lot, so again I assume that it is coming to life. I wish with hind site that I had completed the surgery and got work on my jaw line, I can still see the male in my face in that area, the lypo on my neck has helped a little to soften the harshness of the jaw. I have still not done anything with my hair, so it's still up as it's always been.

I have researched many sites on the internet re FFS, I think that we expect these doctors to perform miracles on us, we have to accept that we were born with a very severe handicap in that our body is fighting us the whole time. We can only expect realistically to be ok, we were born complicated and I am sure we will always remain complicated. Dr O has achieved the best he could achieve with the money I had available, is it perfect? well I can answer that it is a big change to my face in the female mode, I still have some psychological problems with myself that the surgery did not fix. I am better able to deal with those problems because of the surgery, my bad moments are a lot less than they were, I want to be a super model, like a lot of women, but nature has not blessed me that way, again like many women we get what we get.

MY VIEW

I see my face as androgynous, I think you can see male and female in my face dependant on your opinion, I wanted to see just female but it wasn't to be this time, I think I will have to start saving and get the rest of the work on my jaw. The secret to this surgery is don't have the high expectation that you will become a stunner, you won't, it will just improve the way you look, I think my face is a lot softer now than it was. Am I happy, yes I am happier, again a lot of this is more than surgery, it's a part in the whole process, I don't want a single trace of male in my face, but so many genetic women have male features in the face, we have the feelings of wanting to destroy any hint of maleness that exists where genetic women can laugh it off, why is life so complex. I am slightly blue but this site is about honesty and helping others, it is not fiction it is real, these things happen to us.

HERE IS A COMINATION PICTURE TO DATE

PC PICTURE

I have created an artificial PC pic to show you the difference the jaw would have made to my face, as you can see it's a lot and such a small amount. Looks like I am going to have to go back under the knife, for me it's something that is so strong a drive in me I have no choice, you will not know the drive to be female unless you are messed up like many people like me are. It is unreal, but with the aid of the PC I can now see the end result, it's just time now. You can see on the picture its a good job I am not the surgeon, I chopped just a little to much of the jaw, I did leave the picture that way though just to show it makes a difference, be specific in what is your male feature when you go for a consultation and listen to the advice you get these people do this surgery everyday.

DECISION TIME AGAIN RE MY JAW

I have made the decision to go back and get my jaw operated on, I need it for me and I think for my own ghosts, I will be getting the operation as soon as I can, I will update you all when I have a date for it.

I will place new pictures on or about the 1st of each month for the next few months so you can see my progress.

Because of the size of this page I have now created a new page for October 2005 onward, click the link for page 2 below

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