ABOUT DIANE

Dr. Douglas Ousterhouts will allow a camera in the surgery on the 17th June 2005 this year when I have my FFS. Those pictures will be posted with no editing so that people can see what the operation can achieve. I have had many fears about the surgery prior to talking with Dr Ousterhout, and spoken to many surgeons, but I have now had the answers to all off my questions answered, I finally chose Dr Ousterhout for my surgery. I needed to see the pictures of surgery and there are no pictures anywhere, so I have decided to use my own profile as a starting point. Link to surgery pictures page

ABOUT DIANE

My name is Diane, I have Dr Douglas Ousterhout's permission to build a web site which will show the surgery, it will be showing actual facts about what is happening through the whole process of my operation and the healing times. It will also be about my reasons for wanting the surgery and why at 44 years of age I have decided to tell people about my life, when I have kept it very secret. I live in Spain so San Francisco is a long way for me to go for my operation, everything needed prior to surgery has been achieved via the internet or telephone, the pre surgery pictures are a little further on this page.

This is the first time that I have gone public and let people know about me, this page has a few pictures of me to let you know what I look like at this moment, 24th April 2005, all pictures are taken in the last year. I had my (GRS) gender reassignment surgery 15 years ago now, so it is a very distant memory, aging has made me feel less confident, so it is now time to make some more changes to progress to the later stages of my life with a feeling of being comfortable as a woman again.

ABOUT MY LIFE COMING SOON

My life story (preface) will talk about the incredible fear of even going shopping at one stage in my life, I would starve for days before getting the courage to leave the house, also how hypnosis helped to make me feel like a human being. I hope for those of you that want to understand gender issues, this will open your eyes to the pain and torment we go through from a child as young as 3 years old when I knew I was a female, but not understanding I didn't get treated or look like one. How I have not wore a coat in almost 15 years and frozen when I have gone out because of my inner fears about what I look like. How electrolysis melted my skin, yet there was no other choice to have the pain of it, how I managed to continue to run a business during the days of my surgery and was very public back then because we were in the retail sector. I have two beautiful children that are now grown up and gone, but how I knew they would get treated in school if I was public, my love for them and the hurt and pain I must have put them through. I will publish the rest when I get a bit more time, its about 4 hours of reading.

THE PRE OP SURGERY PICTURES NEEDED TOO DIAGNOSE ME LONG DISTANCE

These next sequence of pictures I do hate, they are pictures that I have used to discuss my surgery, they are very harsh pictures and taken with a flash, that was my choice to exaggerate how the bone is deformed at the top of my head in a male bossing appearance above the eyes. The only way to help other people is to be factual so here are the pictures, not glamorous but as it is.

The 4 pictures above can be enlarged by clicking on them

My assessment and questions that I asked: (click here: Assessment)

LEFT: As my face was, look at the area above my nose, how the bone sticks out, and under my neck the line of skin. My nose is dropping at the end instead of raising slightly up.
MIDDLE: PC simulation by me to show possible changes of the removal of Brow boss,
with a smaller nose and slight lipo on the under chin, this was done pre op for me only to try and see what I might look like.
RIGHT: Actual picture after surgery (JUNE 16th) of brow removal, a nose operation, scalp advance and the lipo in the neck, swelling still harsh on bridge of nose, picture July taken 3 weeks, just 8 days after surgery, so still exceptional recovery. Notice the lipo has cleaned my jaw line a lot, you can see the edge of the jaw where some of the jowel has been cleaned.

It will be interesting to see the real pictures of me after and the PC generated alterations above, I am not expert on a PC but at least its an attempt to guess the end result, I have been told the end result will be better.

MONEY AND TRANSFERING OF FUNDS

Transfering of funds is the next stage of the process, you can be reassured of the transfer of the bank and the details, you will get information from Dr Ousterhout on the bank accounts etc. The bank you will transfer the funds to is

Union Bank of California, 1970 Franklin Street, Oakland, CA 94612

If you wish to talk to someone at the bank re the acount and transfering of funds then the contact telephone number is 001 510 891 2462 you will ask for Gregg who is the account manager for Dr Ousterhout, he is a very nice man and will answer questions as you need them or can refer to you in contact via emails. You can contact an FX dealer to transfer funds www.xe.com

ACCOMMODATION WHILST IN SAN FRANCISCO

COCOON HOUSE

The place I stayed at for recovery on my first operation was a place called Cocoon house which is only 10 minutes from the hospital, more information on the Cocoon House click here. This was the best place that I could have chosen to recover, it is owned by two nurses from the hospital.

INN ON CASTRO

This is a bit disjointed but this is the best place to put this link, I had a third operation, a facelift in Feb 2007, I stayed here at the Inn on Castro, it is a B&B plus it has an option to hire an apartment which I decided to do, take a look a my photographs of Inn on Castro.

FEAR: STARTING THE COUNTDOWN, 8 WEEKS TO SURGERY

There is a lot of fear in my life at this moment with 8 weeks to go, I have asked all the usual questions, do people die, etc. To let you know they have not lost a person in surgery, so that should give you some peace of mind, that means that I will come out the other side with a long scar, which is my next biggest worry. There is not another way at this moment in time that I can have the changes I need to make me feel better, so I will post pictures of the scar when it is completed so that other people can have that question answered here. To see pictures of the scar, link to Lynn Conways site and you will see them there now, she has had the surgery. Lynn is a lovely lady, whom I have had the pleasure of emailing, she has helped so much with her comments and dedication to helping people to live more ordinary lives, I must say my life is very ordinary but from my own mind playing tricks. I often wonder why I was given this curse, and in my opinion it is a curse, but I do believe it makes us better people inside, and better people make the world a nice place to live. My own private poem

FEAR 4 WEEKS TO SURGERY

There is now 4 weeks to my surgery, it's May 21st, I am feeling very emotional, I am crying quite a lot because it seems a little unfair that we have to put ourselves through so much to feel like our minds and body gel as one. I have come to accept that this is one of the only ways that I think I will be at peace with myself, to match the outside with the inside. Gender is so compelling, it is who you are, when this is incongruent within you then it is very disturbing. We have inner strength that we can call on that we are unaware of until we are troubled, each one of us is so much stronger that we believe, the instinct to survive is powerful, the mind is so powerful, we have to use that wisely. I have chose to share my feelings and emotions like a diary to let people know what it can feel like for one individual, ie Myself Diane. I am living life both ends of the day at the moment, I am working in the day and going out each night, it is keeping me busy, for me that is the best way to cope, not to have time to think and let my brain get pre-occupied with what is happening. If you get to this stage you may find your can't remember things and think your losing your mind, I think it is the brains way of shutting down, I am forgetting a lot of things which is frustrating to me, I think it is because I am not actually listening to people properly, I have my mind traveling on questioning journeys, which means I answer people, but I have been thinking about something else and not heard what they said to me, I say yes, when I never even heard a thing they said.

FEAR 2 WEEKS TO GO

Well I have just 2 weeks to go (June 1st 2005) and things are starting to settle a little in my head, I am still having fear thoughts but got used to the fact the operation is days away now.

MONEY AND EXCHANGE: I have problems with the exchange rate on the money to be transferred, its being silly and not in my favour, so that is frustrating, if you need to make calculations on the exchange rate click here www.xe.com they are very accurate and you can open an account with them and do the trade yourself.

MEDICATION: I have tried to get some of the medication from Spain but not had a lot of luck, but have managed to get bits of it, so I will get the rest whilst in America. The most important thing is to not take anything with Aspirin in it, many drugs do have it, also to stop taking Vitamin E as suppliments which I have stopped, I can continue to take my HRT tablets as these are safe.

MIRA: I spoke to Mira today who is a lovely and very helpful lady, she is Dr Ousterhouts assistant, very pleasant and reassuring of the procedures I am about to embark upon. She has told me the climate is mild but I will need a jumper for the evenings when it is colder, so not as hot as Spain at this time

CONTACT MYSELF: I am back in the Spain after working a property exhibition in the UK, it was quite slow there but kept my mind busy which I think is what you need to do when your at this stage just a few days away. I have been spending time on updating search engines to get people to see this site and maybe to help others in the same situation. You can email me if you want to know anything or add anything to this site, my email is diane_sutton@hotmail.com

I would only like to add things re Dr Douglas Ousterhout and related topics, this site is about making life easier for people that want good advice for themselves or friends or family members. I may not get all emails as hotmail is a little fierce on spam mail but if I have not replied within 2 to 3 weeks then I have not got the email.

MY STATE OF MIND: My state of mind is ok, not fantastic, but we all cope with this in our own way, I am a little quite at the moment, deep in thought a lot of the time, I do meditate which calms me, it keeps things in the perspective. My mind is as ready as it can be to go forward, the rest is wait and see the results from the operation. I am using the EFT technique on the gender page of this web site to try and help with fears as they arise inside of me, it does work a little which is all I need at this moment. The summer has started in Spain, I have been bit lots of times by mosquitoes so that is not nice, maybe they won't bit so much in San Franscisco. I am sure all this sadness will be lifted after my recovery and the site will reveal the process of the recovery and the times it takes as well as the pictures of the surgery when I am strong enough to put them up on the web site. I am taking my laptop with me so the pictures might get up quick, it depends on how I am feeling at the time, else I will update the site on my return from San Franscisco on the 27th of June or 28th.

ONE WEEK TO GO

(June 7th) with just one week to go I am getting nervous, I have no doubt about what I need to do, it's just a daunting thought that's all. I slept very bad last night, went out for a drive in the middle of the night. I hope by sharing this that other people will get at least my an understanding of how serious this is and what we go through to make ourselves feel better. I can't explain in words how I feel at this moment, others my feel happy very different, but I have had operations before and this is by far the biggest surgery for me. I know I will look better after, but that does not negate the fact that I am going to have 9 hours of surgery and wake up with probably the biggest headache of my life, I am excited about the thought of that maybe in a few weeks time my face will match my mind completely when the swelling has gone down. To be able to see me after 44 years will probably be overwhelming for me, I am usually fairly stable, I can cope with a lot of stress, but I am aware this one is getting to me.

The only thing I can suggest if you get to the stage of reading this and will be undergoing surgery, is believe that Dr Ousterhout is one of the best surgeons in the world, I have researched the internet for many months to come to this conclusion. At least you will be having the one of the best surgeons, this means you have the best chance of success. Dr Ousterhout is not a cheap surgeon, it is very expensive to have the surgery completed, each of us will have very different costs dependant on the work we have completed, for me this is very much a final chance to try and have a life that is ok for me inside my heart, a chance to feel like a human being, is there a price on that?

3 DAYS TO GO

It's now only 3 days to go, its the 13th of JUNE, I am in San Franscisco, I have had a day of touring to take my mind of what is going on in my head. I am alone here and would suggest if possible you bring someone with you, I am ok but it's very lonely here, its a big city and although the people seem very nice, its still feels a bit intimidating to me. see my pics of San Franscisco

SUNBURN: I got sunburn today which is not good, I burnt my shoulders, lucky for me it was not on my face, it is not allowed to get sunburn prior to surgery. 

METRO HOTEL: I am staying at the metro hotel, I am not impressed to much by it, the hotel is what it is, its a cheap place to stay. I am not sure how it compares to what else is in San Franscisco but I would suggest you do research to find cheap accommodation prior to arriving, I am sure you will find better than this. The room I am in is very small and claustrophobic, it is at the back of the hotel and has a window that looks out onto a wall about 4 ft away with other windows, so I can't let light in because someone will look into my room directly outside. I am not about to go looking for another place to stay now, it is to much to worry about, I will tolerate it. It has internet access and it is working hence the web page is up, but I had to press to get the wireless transmitter, the two staff I have met are very different, one is helpful and the other told me there was no internet and wait 24 hours for the boss, I was not happy so forced the issue to get it quicker, if your passive you would not have the internet as I said he was not helpful at all. I have a link to the www.metrohotelsf.com  and the room rates and info are on the site. The satellite tv is boring all TV news stations and selling programmes, the other thing is it has not been working for several hours and so its boring in the room.

DR OUSTERHOUT: I met Dr Ousterhout today, he is a very nice man, he was charming and busy, I did not have an appointment but he was able to come to me and say hello and was ready to meet me on my appointed time on Tuesday 10th for my appointment. I met Mira and tatania today who are also very lovely and also very helpful, I had no appointment today and just walked into the hospital unannounced and they were happy to see me and give me help on how to find the xray place.

TOURING: I did see the island of Alcatraz today, it is not very big, it was lovely and sunny but still cold on the boat, I did get sunburn from the sun, so you will need a coat to go out on the boat or a good sun block cream. I went under the Golden gate bridge on the same journey which was amazing, the history is interesting it takes 27 years to paint it end to end, etc. http://www.inetours.com/Pages/SFNbrhds/Golden_Gate_Bridge.html 

FEELINGS: I am not as frightened as I was after meeting the girls at DR Oousterhouts surgery, they were very nice, the fear is there but somewhat less than it was. I don't wish the feelings I have at the moment on anyone, I am sure other people would be excited but for me it is not a thing I would choose to do unless I was as desperate as I am. I want this to be so right for me, the operation that is, to see the female face that matches my thoughts. That is a big expectation to put on a surgeon, but I believe that he is the surgeon that can  fulfill that for me

2 DAYS TO GO

PICTURES OF MY SKULL: This is the result of the Xray today with just 2 days to go. There is another picture but I have problems with my laptop and will upgrade the page later. You can see that I have simulated the bone removal above the eye makes a huge difference to the skull. I have a 17mm ridge above my eye socket this overlay above the female eye should be as low as 5mm that means a massive 12mm removal of the bone. I will only put important pictures up at the moment until I return to Spain when I have a more powerful PC to update properly.

DR OUSTERHOUT: Today I met Dr Ousterhout for real in an appointment, he is a lovely man, very caring and kind with a happy persona.  He was so helpful giving me advice on what can be achieved, he gave me all the measurements that I need to have my face in the female shape. As you can see from the Xrays he has a lot of work to do on me. I am having lypo under my chin as well as the brow boss shave and nose operation, this will be finished with the bringing forward of my scalp. I am meeting Dr Ousterhout for the big consultation on Wednesday this week 1 day to surgery. I am stressed today, but DR Ousterhout has made me feel a lot better, he is a nice man.

MIRA: I also met Mira today the PA to Dr Ousterhout, she is lovely as well, I think she has a nice personality and helps so much, she does far more than I expected of her, she is very happy and smiley and again very reassuring of what I need to have. There is always apprehension when you meet someone you have only talked to on the telephone but both made me feel special and less stressed than I was when I went into the meeting.  Tatiana is a lovely lady, she is also part of the team to make us feel welcome. 

This is the original picture of my skull, you notice above the eye that there is 12mm of bone above the eye to be removed, the bone is 17mm in total from the eye and will be reduced to 5mm.

If you look at this picture above, you can see that the bone I have removed (via a PC simulation) above the eye socket will make to my skull.

I AM STILL VERY LUCKY WITH MY LIFE

I feel like I am unlucky, yet I am so lucky,I have been given creativity gifts, I can write music and do so for pleasure, I am creative and was a teacher for a while in the UK, I was a web design teacher, hence the web site. I have been successful in the retail sector, I owned four furniture shops and had 15 people working for me at one time. I live in Spain, bathed in sunshine for most of the year, life should be fun, which I really do feel I am coming to a new stage in my life, a stage with some peace in it.

BACK IN SPAIN AND THE OPERATION OVER

I am back in Spain, it's the 2nd July, all is well, the operation was a big success for me, it is the best thing I have ever done in my life. I would not change this feeling of happiness for anything, I would have had the operation many years ago had I known it was possible. Although my life was normal before it was always inside my head the games would happen, now I have no games, I am happy and content. Click on the operation link to see more information on the whole process and the how I feel after surgery.

STRAIGHT TO UPPER FACE SURGERY PICTURES JUNE 2005
STRAIGHT TO THE JAW SURGERY PICTURES DEC 2005